I knew having one
child would change my entire life. I never thought adding a second
to the equation would bring so many additional changes -- and
challenges -- to my life.
Those who followed my pregnancy diary on MyMamaSaid.com know my
daughter was born almost four months ago. It has taken me these four
months to settle into my new child and new role of dual mommy.
Many mothers warned me that having a second child would be a big
jump (almost as big a jump as having your first). And, boy, were
they right.
It all started easily enough. The Baby Blues came along right after
I came home from the hospital. But this time, I was more aware of my
needs and asked for -- and received -- help when I needed it. And as
expected, there were some jealous moments my 2-year-old son
experienced in those first few weeks. At one point, I literally
could not leave the room with him and the baby alone together
because he would hit her every chance he got. So I eliminated those
chances (even if I had to bring him to the bathroom with me!).
Folks would ask me "How are you?" My reply? "I'm a
tennis ball in a tennis match between my son and daughter."
Back and forth, from one to the other, every minute, every hour,
every day.
Some days I wanted to rip my hair out. The back and forth was making
me crazy. Those were the times when my husband or my mother took my
son for outings so I could get a break. Of course, this was also
when the Baby Blues were in full force, so my husband or my mother
taking my son for the day felt to me like I was failing him. I often
felt the extreme closeness my son and I had shared was slipping away
from me and it was breaking my heart. My son leaving for the day
with my mother and not giving me a kiss goodbye made me cry for
hours. I was certain he hated me for bringing home a new baby.
I can't say when those feelings ended exactly, but I do know that
they started to fade away as my son's jealousy did. I tried as hard
as I could to maintain our daily rituals -- yes, even the homemade
blueberry pancakes. And slowly, it helped him see that I still loved
him just as much -- and helped me to see that he still loved me,
too.
And just before Christmas, my son told me, for the first time,
"Mommy, I wuv woo!" It was the best Christmas gift I could
have ever received.
Having gone through some terrible Baby Blues with a hint of
postpartum depression when my son was born, I knew I needed to
devote some time to myself, too. I started reading for enjoyment,
relaxed and did NOTHING if I felt like it, and took up yoga again. I
am now a firm believer in the power of yoga -- and am certain it has
saved my son's Terrible Two back end on several occasions.
I still feel like a beaten up tennis ball these days, but I try to
recite my new mantra every chance I get: "BALANCE."
Balance between my children. Balance between my mommy role and
myself. Balance between my family and my career. I can't keep both
children happy at all times, keep the house clean, cook three meals
a day and get all of my work done everyday. I'm not perfect and
pretending I can be is too exhausting.
What I want to know is how my parents did it. They had two kids,
both worked full time outside the home, and our house was always
immaculately clean. I never remember a time when there was disorder.
I guess it helps having a father who's cleanliness is borderline
obsessive compulsive (we're talking about a man who cleans up after
the housecleaner has come by).
Oh well, I am counting on the notion that once the children are
older (as in they have chores of their own to do), that's when my
house and life will be a little more organized.
